Thursday Is Still Singing About Car Crashes. And By God, I'm Glad. -- Ginomee

Thursday's new album A City By The Light Divided is not a good album. No, that doesn't do it justice. It is masterful. It reminds me of all the reasons I still buy CD's. Even though the themes are still the same (car crashes, urban imagery, religious symbolism, etc.) it amounts to consistency. They've found what they do well, and so they don't change a good thing. I was honestly hesitant on that point myself, but it's not old yet. I was thinking about sending Geoff Rickly a letter warning him not to make another album about Rosary Beads and Broken Glass, but then I thought better of it. Geoff, you keep writing about whatever the hell you wanna. You're a producer of good shit in a day and age where This is considered music.

Tracks to buy on iTunes (Not download illegally :: GASP :: ) if you don't wanna get the entire album would be "Sugar In The Sacrament," "Telegraph Avenue Kiss," and "The Lovesong Writer." The first track on the album, titled "On The Other Side Of The Crash/Over And Out (Of Control)" is really two songs in one, and also the sequel to the Thursday classic "Understanding In A Car Crash" and well worth checking out, especially if you're an old Thursday fan. Hell, even the radio release is good (how the hell does that happen?).

I rate it James Joyce/The Massacre Of Every Redneck Who Uses The Phrase "Cowboy Up" At Least 500 Miles From The Nearest Rodeo

(8/10)

New Mars Volta song leaked. - By Dom

(Scabdates album art is so cool.)

UPDATE 7/2/06:
New track Vermicide has been leaked as well, keep an eye out for the album.

Asilos Magdalena, a track from The Mars Volta's new album, Amputechture, leaked yesterday. I suggest searching for it (we won't reveal how we got it).

It's fucking incredible.

Fuck DORK the Band

Holy shit everyone I'm FEUDING with a band on Warped Tour. This whole saga with me and a band called Dork (best known for the song they had in that hit movie "American Pie: Band Camp," yeah the one with none of the original cast and went straight to DVD) started off in an email I wrote.

Dear Dork the Band,

I am a 16 year old kid currently getting a band off of the ground rather quickly. I live in Arvada as well, and in previous bands have played at one of my personal favorite venues, Rock Island. I was told that you guys are in the process of suing the club on the grounds that a member of your band was pushed by a bouncer during your CD release show. Quite frankly guys, that's fucked up.

Because I just moved here a year ago, I wasn't aware that you guys were a local band and thought that the little incident was just a tour show. When I found out that you guys were from Arvada I was disgusted. Your band is going on the Warped Tour and you have to sue (and possibly close in doing so) Rock Island, one of the only clubs in Denver that will book smaller bands, and therefore totally fuck up the entire scene's support for upstart bands trying to get out there. Because you guys are from Arvada, I was hoping you would understand how important Rock Island is for forming bands like the one I have, and how much fun it is to play there, and you're just going to get it closed because you're a bunch of fucking babies. Go back on the Warped Tour (sponsored by Energizer Batteries and Vans! Two of the most corporate companies in this country), get signed, and shit on everyone below you.

Do Denver a favor and don't get Rock Island closed.

-Jesse Cooper

Looking back on the email, sure I may have been a little harsh on the guys. Actually, I retract my previous statement because this is a promo shot of Dork. The band. On Warped Tour.



Oh, haha, I get it. It's one of those gimmick bands that NEVER FUCKING GO ANYWHERE. That guy ALWAYS wears his sweater vest at shows! He wears a bandana but still dresses like the trombone player of a ska band! That guy doesn't even WEAR a shirt! Whoa! Watch out for Dork, the wackiest group of pop-punkers on the planet! Go back to 1999 where your bland excuse for a band might be successful to a generation of people who need an alternative to Limp Bizkit but don't have the intellectual capacity to get Methodrone by The Brian Jonestown Massacre.

Dork, however, being the souless over-exposed, tough guy pieces of shit actually had the unmitigated audacity to answer me in email form. It doesn't really bother me that they answered me, it's the fact that this is the response I got.

Jesse,
this really isn't any of your business but you don't know shit. i am only
writing you back because you are from arvada. did you know that one of us
was hit in the head from behind with a flashlight 4 times? did you know that
one of us was jumped by 4 bouncers? did you know that we had issues getting
paid? the only reason I am telling you is because you are in a band and we
wouldn't want this to happen to other bands. don't throw insults my way when
we have paid our dues kid. sorry to be harsh, but nobody should have to go
through that. its offensive to come from a fellow musician.

It's not my fucking business? I'm like two weeks away from booking 8 shows a month in a new band and it's not my business that one of the only clubs in the downtown area that books underage agentless bands is being sued by a bunch of New Found Glory wannabe assholes who are a month away from leaving town to go on the tour that destroyed punk rock as we knew it? One of you was hit in the head with a flashlight FOUR TIMES by the BOUNCERS? Get beat up and robbed by the same group of police twice a week and we can talk about "emotion scarring," you vapid asshole.

What really got my blood a pumpin' was that he actually complains about not being paid. Welcome to being a musician, dummy. None of us ever get paid unless we get invited to go on Warped Tour to play for middle schoolers who didn't get the message that AFI went mainstream and 40 year olds who used to beat off to Joan Jett when they were in college. Nice job on proving that you're a bunch of greedy, money-hungry fucking wasps. To have the balls to tell me that they have "paid their dues" really aggrivates me because I've been through more shit than their whole van full of their horrible members sniffing each other's asses ever will. Fucking up an entire music scene for every upstart band in the city is just counter-productive.

Dork, I encourage you to have a few beers while you're out pandering to eighth graders, get behind the wheel of your van and plow into Rise Against. And while you're at it, kill yourselves.

Muse - Black Holes and Revelations - By Dom

(Sorry for the delay on this review.. Black Holes and Revelations sucked so badly, I really didn't want to listen to the whole thing.)

There was a reason I was hesitant to listen to this album... It's bad. Yes, it seems Muse has pumped out of Satan's womb another electro-pop nightmare.. Don't get me wrong, they have talent and all, but there's one problem: EVERY ALBUM THEY MAKE SOUNDS THE FUCKING SAME! Their single, "Supermassive Black Hole" (which reminds me of the fat girls I see in lunch) sounds like Michael Jackson on helium.

Here's a suggestion Muse, stop sucking ass. Seriously. People have been buying into this shit since 1999, and it hasn't gotten any different. The worst part is, Muse tries to act all "mysterious" and "spacey" with songs like "A Crying Shame". Sorry guys, you're not the Mars Volta, or Placebo, give it a fucking rest.

The album is probably one of the worst pop/rock/shit, in '06. Muse, either change your style or stop making music. Better yet, go pull a Rufus Wainwright and go make the soundtrack for Shrek 3, hacks.

Folks, do yourself a favor, and go check out the new Mars Volta track listing instead...

Final grade: F (with a touch of herpes)

P.S.

Cool shirt and nice face, dumbass.

Attention Daryl Palumbo: Get Another Girl To Cheat On You, Now. Popaganda Review-- Ginomee

When I walked into the badass CD Store today, I picked up four albums. One was "The Execution Of All Things" by Rilo Kiley. Two were "This Station Is Non-Operational" and "Acrobatic Tenement" by At The Drive-In. And finally, I figured why the hell not pick up the sophomore "effort" by my favorite male vocalist Daryl Palumbo's five hundredth side project, Head Automatica. There are few things I regret in my life. Killing my mother with a hand grenade is one of them. "Popaganda" is one slightly worse than that.

I pushed the album into my ol' faithful HP Pavilion and waited while ol' faithful Windows XP loaded ol' faithful Windows Media Player so I could listen to the ol' faithful voice of Daryl Palumbo. But it wasn't the OLD Daryl I was hearing. It was a NEW Daryl, an EVIL Daryl. Possibly, a weakened Daryl. "Power-Pop," the useless brand upon this album and this band, does not even begin to describe what was leaking out of my speakers like piss from the cunt of a squirter. Track after Track after Track of guitar riffs that sounded identical to the last song. Daryl's voice coming slow, easy, boring out of my speakers. Light, poor music, almost like a Kidz Bop album on repeat for 3 minute flaccid-fests. There was no fury, no biting sarcasm, no hookers losing heads, no anger fueling songs with lyrics complex in scheme and meaning. Dare I say NO EMOTION? Exactly the words that come to mind. And clearly, according to the final word by Daryl in this Interview with TEEN PEOPLE that's what they wanted to happen. Pardon me for asking, but Mr. Palumbo, but what the fuck?

"Decadence," Head Auto's first album, was, in short, Genius. A few kitschy songs to appease the radio crowd (I'm looking at you, Beating Heart Baby) but overall a strong showing. Songs like "The Razor," "Please Please Please (Young Hollywood)," and their best song "Solid Gold Telephone" left the listener feeling quite happy to have purchased the CD. But at the end of "Popaganda," all I was happy about was the fact that my cousin from the military gave me a cyanide tab as a personal favor. Now I won't say there weren't a couple good songs on the album. "Egyptian Musk" reflected back enough to their old stuff to be enjoyable, and "Nowhere Fast" was great when it was the live track "Oxy Contin," but it lost a little in translation. But the rest of the album pretty much makes you glad it's so easy to break CD's with your fist.

For all of you new to Daryl, please, please, please, don't be fooled. This isn't the real Daryl. This is a truly delusional, possibly drug abusing Daryl. A Daryl that's stopped caring about one of the biggest parts of music: The feeling behind it. Sure, you can't make an album on feeling alone, especially not forced feeling (See past article about Fall Out Boy), but Christ! When you've got enough talent to creat "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Silence" and then follow that amazing force up with "Worship And Tribute" you've got lyrical talent and emotion that won't fail you when you try to make an album with depth.

So here is my question to you Daryl Palumbo: Does it really take a girl fucking you up while you suffer in a hospital bed to give you your musical powers? Is happiness your weakness in the same way oil weakens Captain Planet? If so, have Jarvis break your legs or date my sister, because we (your old fans, you remember us don't you?) can't feel this betrayed anymore. And, Mr. Palumbo, if this is where your music is headed, I think we've sent a clear message that we want no part of it. Enjoy your Michelle Branch fanbase, and it's been nice knowing you. All us old fans will see you at the next GlassJAw show (slated for 2016).

Do yourself a favor and avoid this baby vomit colored excuse for a Compact Disc. I rate this album Cancer/Crohn's Disease. You just don't want it.

Fall Out Boy Songs Remind Me Of All The Reasons Hitler Existed (Putting Prozac In Pete's Drink) -- Ginomee

-Some people like to say Fall Out Boy is a good band. I like to say God created Ebola for a reason. As if "Dance-Pop" being their "genre" wasn't enough to stop you from liking Fall Out Boy, then surely Stump's ridiculous faux british voice should be. And if not that, their "front-man" who looks like THIS



should be. But if all this still isn't enough to convince your pathetic Scene mind to stop liking this so-called band, the following reasons will be.

#1: Blatant Thievery Turns Us On Like You Wouldn't Believe (A Lack Of Creativity In A Train Wreck)
-It's common knowledge that Fall Out Boy has the imagination of a neuro-surgeon. You remember the kid who would follow people around on the playground trying to join in their imaginative games? Then when he tried to think up something fun to do, it would amount to something really dull and overly complex that no one really wanted to play? That's comparable to the creative talent of Fall Out Boy. They have a brand of forced creativity that is rivaled in its fake nature only by the forced diplomacy the U.S. is currently having with Iran. Take this little gem from an interview with some generic rock people.

Pete Wentz: What’s more frustrating is when people who interview us think they are getting the real story but what they are actually doing is chopping up
and dissecting what we say until it does not mean anything more.

That's funny, because I could swear that their words meant nothing to begin with! My bad Pete. And who has time to get into their lyrics. Yes, you Fall Out Boy "fans" will crawl all over hell and fight off any Fall Out Boy lyrics bashers, but the fifteen hundred printouts of the band on your wall won't change the fact that their deepest lyrics are equivalent to the depth of semen that fits inside Patrick Stump's bellybutton. When The Mars Volta immortalized their poor deceased friend Julio Venegas into "De-Loused In The Comatorium" everyone who listened to it understood that this was not skin deep work. Well, everyone who wasn't listening to Straylight Run and weeping over Taking Back Sunday that is. But judging by FOB's radio releases (which is the work they deemed good enough for the radio, so therefore should be considered to be the band's attempt at flawless work) the depth of their lyrics is less than surface level. I don't even need to quote it, we all know how awful they are. Not to mention their 13-year old Kelly Clarkson loving fanbase grows daily, while the fans of quality music shun them.

Their lyrics are the boring typical disguised emo kind. You know, the kind of lyrics that try to use imagery about running yourself over with a hand grenade up the ass (or something like that) to hide the fact that it's the same "my girlfriend left me for some hot dude cause I wear women's panties and don't see why she can't be OK with that" song we've been hearing since Screaming Infidelities came out. But what else could be expected in the creativity department. I mean, they couldn't even think of their own band name. While playing some vague and generic college show that everyone hated them at, they asked the crowd what they should name their band. Some smartass called out the name "Fallout Boy!" And though they claim they weren't aware that Fallout Boy was a character from The Simpsons, I am of the opinion (and anyone with a brain is) that they did. And even if they weren't, having to ask a bunch of half drunken co-eds what to name your band is pathetic. Especially when you're about to win the William Faulkner Award for having song titles bumping triple digits in word count. But I'll be fair. The guy who writes the lyrics for most of the songs looks like this



#2: Our Frontman Is Almost As Unimportant To Our Band As "The View" Is To Television (But He's Such A Lovable Guy)
-It's a norm of the music industry that the lead singer is typically the lead man when it comes to the band. This can most basically be attributed to the fact that lots of people can play guitar, drums, bass, Sousaphone, etc. but few people (theoretically) can sing as well as a band's lead singer. There are few exceptions in history where the band was more intersting than the vocalist. So why then does Fall Out Boy abide their rather unremarkable Bassist (arguably the easiest instrument to play in the Guitar-Drum-Bass lineup) Pete Wentz hogging the spotlight? Did I mention that this was Pete Wentz?



Pete's always been a spotlight hog. He blames it on his natural "talkiness," I blame it on his natural arrogance. Proof of this lies in the fact that when ol' Pete was starting to lose the spotlight a little bit, some naked pictures of him "accidentally" leaked to the internet. Sound Familiar? But to be fair, at least he tries to be modest.

Pete: I will purposefully be on the backburner for an interview or stand at the side of a shot. I mean I am a talkative person in general but I will force myself to shut up to give everyone else room

As my mother would say, "That's mighty white of you," Pete. It's not like they shouldn't have to go around their talentless bassist to talk to the press, but I suppose with your 3 inch phallus burned into the retina of the public eye you just can't get enough of people looking at you. I think we all see "The Pete Wentz Experience" coming up. The fact that he pats himself on the back for being able to control his ten year old-esque giddiness for more than twelve seconds is proof enough of his unbelievable self-esteem. Did I say self-esteem? What I really meant was constant self-fellatio by putting himself before the band. Such an easy mix up. And so hard to believe it happens, when you consider he looks like this



Still wanna listen to Fall Out Boy?

#3:All Of Our Best Friends Say That MTV Ruined Us (We Know We've Always Been Shitty)
-When a band sucks and people who listened to them finally realize it, they often cling to any excuse they can find to start hating them. So now that you're finally starting to think straight, here's the easy way out without looking like the tasteless flake you really are to all your MySpace buddies. Just blame MTV for them selling out. In the same fashion that all the old AFI fans jumped off the AFI bandwagon when Sing The Sorrow came out, you too can blame MTV for your FOB troubles (I know I sure do, but I blame them for not gassing Patrick Stump when they had the chance, not letting Fall Out Boy onto the air). You always know a nasty skanky emo whore when they say "Fall Out Boy's first album was good, and they used to be good, UNTIL THEY WENT TO MTV." That's funny, because unless I'm mistaken (I'm not) they're still the same band writing the same stupid lyrics and naming their songs ridiculously long bullshit. Yep, really different. Oh yeah, and they still have this guy (Note: FOB Fangirl To The Left)



But hey, let's not be too hard on the jumpers. After all, they were doing strong drugs (or not taking their anti-depressants) if they liked Fall Out Boy at all. And I think we all know how bad Fall Out Boy is. So here's your easy way out, you emo bastards (and you're a Fall Out Boy fan, you like the easy way out). Here's the chance to make the right choice before you kick yourself anymore. They have no talent, a fanbase that is almost as moronic as their bassist, and a whole slew of reasons to hate them with all of your heart. Break the addiction. Break your Fall Out Boy CD's.

The Paper Chase - Now You Are One of Us - By Dom

When I first took a look at this album I was thinking, "Oh great, another Cursive ripoff.." However, when I listened to the first few tracks, I learned that fortunately, I was completely wrong. Frontman, John Congleton turned out to be a complete badass, threatening listeners from the beginning of the album untill the end. The album is refreshingly repulsive.. and thankfully, the band is not afraid to speak their mind. I mean COME ON, with a song title like, "Delievered In A Firm Unyielding Way Lingering For Just A Bit Too Long To Communicate The Message 'I Own You'" you know this band means fucking business.

Changing up style in the middle of songs and mixing it up instrumentally with violins and cellos, listeners will be pleased with the loud noises coming out of their speakers. Check out this album, trust me, you will not leave unsatisfied.

Final grade: A-