Fall Out Boy Songs Remind Me Of All The Reasons Hitler Existed (Putting Prozac In Pete's Drink) -- Ginomee
-Some people like to say Fall Out Boy is a good band. I like to say God created Ebola for a reason. As if "Dance-Pop" being their "genre" wasn't enough to stop you from liking Fall Out Boy, then surely Stump's ridiculous faux british voice should be. And if not that, their "front-man" who looks like THIS
should be. But if all this still isn't enough to convince your pathetic Scene mind to stop liking this so-called band, the following reasons will be.
#1: Blatant Thievery Turns Us On Like You Wouldn't Believe (A Lack Of Creativity In A Train Wreck)
-It's common knowledge that Fall Out Boy has the imagination of a neuro-surgeon. You remember the kid who would follow people around on the playground trying to join in their imaginative games? Then when he tried to think up something fun to do, it would amount to something really dull and overly complex that no one really wanted to play? That's comparable to the creative talent of Fall Out Boy. They have a brand of forced creativity that is rivaled in its fake nature only by the forced diplomacy the U.S. is currently having with Iran. Take this little gem from an interview with some generic rock people.
Pete Wentz: What’s more frustrating is when people who interview us think they are getting the real story but what they are actually doing is chopping up
and dissecting what we say until it does not mean anything more.
That's funny, because I could swear that their words meant nothing to begin with! My bad Pete. And who has time to get into their lyrics. Yes, you Fall Out Boy "fans" will crawl all over hell and fight off any Fall Out Boy lyrics bashers, but the fifteen hundred printouts of the band on your wall won't change the fact that their deepest lyrics are equivalent to the depth of semen that fits inside Patrick Stump's bellybutton. When The Mars Volta immortalized their poor deceased friend Julio Venegas into "De-Loused In The Comatorium" everyone who listened to it understood that this was not skin deep work. Well, everyone who wasn't listening to Straylight Run and weeping over Taking Back Sunday that is. But judging by FOB's radio releases (which is the work they deemed good enough for the radio, so therefore should be considered to be the band's attempt at flawless work) the depth of their lyrics is less than surface level. I don't even need to quote it, we all know how awful they are. Not to mention their 13-year old Kelly Clarkson loving fanbase grows daily, while the fans of quality music shun them.
Their lyrics are the boring typical disguised emo kind. You know, the kind of lyrics that try to use imagery about running yourself over with a hand grenade up the ass (or something like that) to hide the fact that it's the same "my girlfriend left me for some hot dude cause I wear women's panties and don't see why she can't be OK with that" song we've been hearing since Screaming Infidelities came out. But what else could be expected in the creativity department. I mean, they couldn't even think of their own band name. While playing some vague and generic college show that everyone hated them at, they asked the crowd what they should name their band. Some smartass called out the name "Fallout Boy!" And though they claim they weren't aware that Fallout Boy was a character from The Simpsons, I am of the opinion (and anyone with a brain is) that they did. And even if they weren't, having to ask a bunch of half drunken co-eds what to name your band is pathetic. Especially when you're about to win the William Faulkner Award for having song titles bumping triple digits in word count. But I'll be fair. The guy who writes the lyrics for most of the songs looks like this
#2: Our Frontman Is Almost As Unimportant To Our Band As "The View" Is To Television (But He's Such A Lovable Guy)
-It's a norm of the music industry that the lead singer is typically the lead man when it comes to the band. This can most basically be attributed to the fact that lots of people can play guitar, drums, bass, Sousaphone, etc. but few people (theoretically) can sing as well as a band's lead singer. There are few exceptions in history where the band was more intersting than the vocalist. So why then does Fall Out Boy abide their rather unremarkable Bassist (arguably the easiest instrument to play in the Guitar-Drum-Bass lineup) Pete Wentz hogging the spotlight? Did I mention that this was Pete Wentz?
Pete's always been a spotlight hog. He blames it on his natural "talkiness," I blame it on his natural arrogance. Proof of this lies in the fact that when ol' Pete was starting to lose the spotlight a little bit, some naked pictures of him "accidentally" leaked to the internet. Sound Familiar? But to be fair, at least he tries to be modest.
Pete: I will purposefully be on the backburner for an interview or stand at the side of a shot. I mean I am a talkative person in general but I will force myself to shut up to give everyone else room
As my mother would say, "That's mighty white of you," Pete. It's not like they shouldn't have to go around their talentless bassist to talk to the press, but I suppose with your 3 inch phallus burned into the retina of the public eye you just can't get enough of people looking at you. I think we all see "The Pete Wentz Experience" coming up. The fact that he pats himself on the back for being able to control his ten year old-esque giddiness for more than twelve seconds is proof enough of his unbelievable self-esteem. Did I say self-esteem? What I really meant was constant self-fellatio by putting himself before the band. Such an easy mix up. And so hard to believe it happens, when you consider he looks like this
Still wanna listen to Fall Out Boy?
#3:All Of Our Best Friends Say That MTV Ruined Us (We Know We've Always Been Shitty)
-When a band sucks and people who listened to them finally realize it, they often cling to any excuse they can find to start hating them. So now that you're finally starting to think straight, here's the easy way out without looking like the tasteless flake you really are to all your MySpace buddies. Just blame MTV for them selling out. In the same fashion that all the old AFI fans jumped off the AFI bandwagon when Sing The Sorrow came out, you too can blame MTV for your FOB troubles (I know I sure do, but I blame them for not gassing Patrick Stump when they had the chance, not letting Fall Out Boy onto the air). You always know a nasty skanky emo whore when they say "Fall Out Boy's first album was good, and they used to be good, UNTIL THEY WENT TO MTV." That's funny, because unless I'm mistaken (I'm not) they're still the same band writing the same stupid lyrics and naming their songs ridiculously long bullshit. Yep, really different. Oh yeah, and they still have this guy (Note: FOB Fangirl To The Left)
But hey, let's not be too hard on the jumpers. After all, they were doing strong drugs (or not taking their anti-depressants) if they liked Fall Out Boy at all. And I think we all know how bad Fall Out Boy is. So here's your easy way out, you emo bastards (and you're a Fall Out Boy fan, you like the easy way out). Here's the chance to make the right choice before you kick yourself anymore. They have no talent, a fanbase that is almost as moronic as their bassist, and a whole slew of reasons to hate them with all of your heart. Break the addiction. Break your Fall Out Boy CD's.
should be. But if all this still isn't enough to convince your pathetic Scene mind to stop liking this so-called band, the following reasons will be.
#1: Blatant Thievery Turns Us On Like You Wouldn't Believe (A Lack Of Creativity In A Train Wreck)
-It's common knowledge that Fall Out Boy has the imagination of a neuro-surgeon. You remember the kid who would follow people around on the playground trying to join in their imaginative games? Then when he tried to think up something fun to do, it would amount to something really dull and overly complex that no one really wanted to play? That's comparable to the creative talent of Fall Out Boy. They have a brand of forced creativity that is rivaled in its fake nature only by the forced diplomacy the U.S. is currently having with Iran. Take this little gem from an interview with some generic rock people.
Pete Wentz: What’s more frustrating is when people who interview us think they are getting the real story but what they are actually doing is chopping up
and dissecting what we say until it does not mean anything more.
That's funny, because I could swear that their words meant nothing to begin with! My bad Pete. And who has time to get into their lyrics. Yes, you Fall Out Boy "fans" will crawl all over hell and fight off any Fall Out Boy lyrics bashers, but the fifteen hundred printouts of the band on your wall won't change the fact that their deepest lyrics are equivalent to the depth of semen that fits inside Patrick Stump's bellybutton. When The Mars Volta immortalized their poor deceased friend Julio Venegas into "De-Loused In The Comatorium" everyone who listened to it understood that this was not skin deep work. Well, everyone who wasn't listening to Straylight Run and weeping over Taking Back Sunday that is. But judging by FOB's radio releases (which is the work they deemed good enough for the radio, so therefore should be considered to be the band's attempt at flawless work) the depth of their lyrics is less than surface level. I don't even need to quote it, we all know how awful they are. Not to mention their 13-year old Kelly Clarkson loving fanbase grows daily, while the fans of quality music shun them.
Their lyrics are the boring typical disguised emo kind. You know, the kind of lyrics that try to use imagery about running yourself over with a hand grenade up the ass (or something like that) to hide the fact that it's the same "my girlfriend left me for some hot dude cause I wear women's panties and don't see why she can't be OK with that" song we've been hearing since Screaming Infidelities came out. But what else could be expected in the creativity department. I mean, they couldn't even think of their own band name. While playing some vague and generic college show that everyone hated them at, they asked the crowd what they should name their band. Some smartass called out the name "Fallout Boy!" And though they claim they weren't aware that Fallout Boy was a character from The Simpsons, I am of the opinion (and anyone with a brain is) that they did. And even if they weren't, having to ask a bunch of half drunken co-eds what to name your band is pathetic. Especially when you're about to win the William Faulkner Award for having song titles bumping triple digits in word count. But I'll be fair. The guy who writes the lyrics for most of the songs looks like this
#2: Our Frontman Is Almost As Unimportant To Our Band As "The View" Is To Television (But He's Such A Lovable Guy)
-It's a norm of the music industry that the lead singer is typically the lead man when it comes to the band. This can most basically be attributed to the fact that lots of people can play guitar, drums, bass, Sousaphone, etc. but few people (theoretically) can sing as well as a band's lead singer. There are few exceptions in history where the band was more intersting than the vocalist. So why then does Fall Out Boy abide their rather unremarkable Bassist (arguably the easiest instrument to play in the Guitar-Drum-Bass lineup) Pete Wentz hogging the spotlight? Did I mention that this was Pete Wentz?
Pete's always been a spotlight hog. He blames it on his natural "talkiness," I blame it on his natural arrogance. Proof of this lies in the fact that when ol' Pete was starting to lose the spotlight a little bit, some naked pictures of him "accidentally" leaked to the internet. Sound Familiar? But to be fair, at least he tries to be modest.
Pete: I will purposefully be on the backburner for an interview or stand at the side of a shot. I mean I am a talkative person in general but I will force myself to shut up to give everyone else room
As my mother would say, "That's mighty white of you," Pete. It's not like they shouldn't have to go around their talentless bassist to talk to the press, but I suppose with your 3 inch phallus burned into the retina of the public eye you just can't get enough of people looking at you. I think we all see "The Pete Wentz Experience" coming up. The fact that he pats himself on the back for being able to control his ten year old-esque giddiness for more than twelve seconds is proof enough of his unbelievable self-esteem. Did I say self-esteem? What I really meant was constant self-fellatio by putting himself before the band. Such an easy mix up. And so hard to believe it happens, when you consider he looks like this
Still wanna listen to Fall Out Boy?
#3:All Of Our Best Friends Say That MTV Ruined Us (We Know We've Always Been Shitty)
-When a band sucks and people who listened to them finally realize it, they often cling to any excuse they can find to start hating them. So now that you're finally starting to think straight, here's the easy way out without looking like the tasteless flake you really are to all your MySpace buddies. Just blame MTV for them selling out. In the same fashion that all the old AFI fans jumped off the AFI bandwagon when Sing The Sorrow came out, you too can blame MTV for your FOB troubles (I know I sure do, but I blame them for not gassing Patrick Stump when they had the chance, not letting Fall Out Boy onto the air). You always know a nasty skanky emo whore when they say "Fall Out Boy's first album was good, and they used to be good, UNTIL THEY WENT TO MTV." That's funny, because unless I'm mistaken (I'm not) they're still the same band writing the same stupid lyrics and naming their songs ridiculously long bullshit. Yep, really different. Oh yeah, and they still have this guy (Note: FOB Fangirl To The Left)
But hey, let's not be too hard on the jumpers. After all, they were doing strong drugs (or not taking their anti-depressants) if they liked Fall Out Boy at all. And I think we all know how bad Fall Out Boy is. So here's your easy way out, you emo bastards (and you're a Fall Out Boy fan, you like the easy way out). Here's the chance to make the right choice before you kick yourself anymore. They have no talent, a fanbase that is almost as moronic as their bassist, and a whole slew of reasons to hate them with all of your heart. Break the addiction. Break your Fall Out Boy CD's.
posted by Ginomee at 10:13 AM
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